Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
