I looked at my own cervix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
