I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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