omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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