Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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