i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Boobs speak an international language.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
