I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
