I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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