I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
