dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
