and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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