escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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