Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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