in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
