I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
