my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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