I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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