i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
