There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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