The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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