can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
