I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize