I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
