I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
