i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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