I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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