so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
