no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
