And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
smell my finger.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
