it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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