They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
