so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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