I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
