Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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