I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
