These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
