Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
