Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
