I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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