I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
