I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
