If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
