The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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