I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think your dad took our porno
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
