Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize