He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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