I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
