I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
