I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
