the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
