Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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