pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
