Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
