You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
