puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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