can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
