I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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