Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
