Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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