Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
