Don't make out with my wife yet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
