I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
