he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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