Im at strip club and am horny
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
