youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
