im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
