Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
