i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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