good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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