I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
