Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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