just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
