i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The power of my boobs compel you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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