ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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