Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
