how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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