No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
