every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
